As my husband prepares to take a job out of state, I've been wracking my brain to come up with ways to manage teaching full-time, commuting, childcare needs, household stuff, parenting our two boys and taking care of myself in some kind of organized and efficient way. We've been apart a few times over the years due to work arrangements (long before we had children), but this time I've got two active little boys, two little dogs & two squeaky guinea pigs to keep alive in addition to myself!
I'm a self-described 'hot-mess-mom' who rarely has it together; I often feel scatterbrained and I'm REALLY good (like master wizard level good!) at forgetting important things like paying the bills on time, showing up on the right day for doctor appointments and filling up on gas before the light comes on to remind me. Sometimes I forget to eat, don't drink enough water or don't get enough sleep and then things feel like they really spiral out of control! Parenting two children alone isn't easy (shout out to all you awesome single parents!), especially when I feel like I can barely keep myself alive some days! If you're one of those moms who really has it together most days, my tips probably won't be all that helpful (you could probably give ME some pointers!).
Here are a few of the simple strategies that I've found helpful for managing my chaos:
1. First & foremost, take care of number one! I wish that I had learned this lesson much, much earlier in my adult life. If I don't take care of my own needs, I won't be able to take care of anyone else's needs. As a teacher, I've applied this concept to my professional life pretty well - you can read about that journey
HERE. However, I have struggled to apply it in my non-work life from time to time. Seriously, take care of yourself!
This means eat well, drink lots of water, take your vitamins and medications, sleep as much as you can (sometimes this means that I go to bed at 7:30 or 8:00 with my children), exercise, get fresh air, do something you love, look for moments of joy in your chaos.... squeeze in a bit of
self-care every day!
2. Write everything down. Since I forget so many things on a regular basis, I've learned to force myself to write EVERYTHING down -- usually in two or more places. I'm a big paper & pencil kind of person, so physically writing down appointments, sports practices, games and other commitments really helps them stick in my head. Some weeks, I go so far as to write down which days the kids will have baths, what we'll have for dinner (if I actually
plan that part) and other seemingly mundane things. I have even been known to write down things that I already did, just so that I can cross them off -- it feels quite good to finish something and cross it off!
I carry a small planner, a
mechanical pencil and a few colored pens in my purse all the time - there's often a whole handful of pencils and pens floating around at the bottom of my purse! A pencil is a must for me so that I can erase and change things easily and the
colored pens are to help color code things; I usually use one color for my appointments and a different color for each child etc. I also enter appointments into my phone calendar and set reminders for the day before and two hours before most important things. The key to this strategy for me is that I absolutely MUST write it down or enter it into my calendar right away - before my mind is on to something else. Periodically I check my phone calendar against my paper planner to make sure they sync up. It's not always neat or foolproof, but establishing this habit has been a real lifesaver in recent months!
My husband thinks that the paper/pencil step of my method is a waste of time, but I think it's essential for me; I NEED to write things down to help remember them. Typing something into my phone calendar doesn't have the same effect as physically writing it down, moving my hands and feeling the pencil on the paper. Figure out what works for you.
3. Pay someone else to do your least favorite task. This idea started out as ' Use a grocery delivery service,' but then I got to thinking that not everyone hates grocery shopping as much as I do. Perhaps there's something else you'd rather pay for someone else to do? I hadn't really thought too much about the idea of hiring someone else to help me with some of the things, but it's been a game changer!
I signed up for a 14 day trial of
Instacart the other day and WOW I really love it! So, I got 2 weeks free, but I feel like I got my money's worth on my very first order! It will depend on where you live, so maybe Instacart won't be available in your area, but there are MANY other companies who do the same thing. I was able to get my weekly grocery shopping done in less than 15 minutes! I filled my digital shopping cart with the items that I usually buy. Then, someone else went to the store and picked out all of the things on my list for me. They did all the hard work for me! I didn't need to corral my active children, repeatedly say 'no' their requests for candy & toys or try to race against the clock to finish before my toddler had a melt down.I will happily pay a yearly fee and a 10-20% tip for someone else to do my shopping, load the car and bring it to my house - it saved me time and sanity and allowed me about two hours of extra time to work, spend time with my family or maybe even take a few
minutes for myself!
Maybe grocery delivery isn't your thing, perhaps look into having a person or a service help with laundry, house cleaning, yard work, meal prep, taking your kids to and from school etc. While this idea isn't necessarily cheap, weigh the pros and cons agains the cost to see if something like this might be worth it to you. For me, considering at the amount of time and frustration that grocery delivery saved me, I decided it was worth my hard earned dollars to gain a few hours of time each week.
4. Streamline laundry & organize clothing - I also hate laundry, mostly the folding part. My goal is to do one load of laundry per day; I try to always put a load in the washer first thing in the morning before work and then switch to the dryer when I get home. If I can maintain this one load per day quota, I don't fall hopelessly behind and end up with mountains of dirty laundry for the weekend. Folding it is another story all together. Ok, I'll be super honest here, I absolutely HATE
folding laundry! I hate it so much that I don't usually fold anything; the best that I usually manage is to sort the laundry into baskets for each member of the household. This method of organization is helpful, but not entirely efficient and I still spend a ridiculous amount of time in the mornings looking for socks and underwear for everyone.
I have tried
Marie Kondo's methods and I even binge watched her show, but I simply cannot focus long enough to precisely fold clothes like she does; I just
CAN'T Kondo our clothes! Recently, I started to group my children's clothing into rolled up bundles that include an entire outfit: socks, underwear, pants, t-shirt, sweatshirt. Each week, I try to make sure that I have 6-7 entire weather appropriate outfits for each child and leave the rest of their clothes unfolded and sorted in their designated basket, with the outfit bundles on top. Each weeknight, instead of pajamas, I have my children dress in their outfit for the next day; this works well because my older son refuses to wear jeans or anything that might wrinkle anyway. So, as long as they don't wet the bed or wet through their diaper, they're ready for school and daycare right out of bed -- just add shoes and coat!
5. Food prep on Sundays - The food prep that I'm referring to here isn't anything like an extensive
Whole-30 sort of meal prep; I've it that in the past and failed miserably. I'm talking REALLY simple stuff here! Each week, meal prep at my house means something a little different. Sometimes, it means that I buy 10 Lunchables and other times, I might make homemade lunchables by cutting and packing meat, cheese and crackers. I usually put each complete lunch into a large
Ziploc bag and keep the bags all lined up in the fridge; to pack a lunch, I just dump the contents of the bags into the correct lunch bag and set the empty
Ziploc bags in a pile to reuse the following week.
Over the weekend, I also try to make something that I can reheat for dinner several nights during the week and plan 1-2 crock pot meals that will also have plenty of leftovers. When I fail to plan, we resort to quick and easy things like eggs, cereal or take-out for dinner because both of my children will happily eat these basic foods - for the record, I probably couldn't serve cold cereal for dinner to my husband without getting the side eye!
6. Put all the things in the car for the week - We have sports practice several nights a week and sometimes other things that we need to do. If I can, I try to pack up whatever we might need for the week ahead of time. Each kid has a
duffel bag that I pack with extra clothes, drinks, snacks and whatever equipment they'll need; my toddler's bag is filled with a large blanket to play on, baby wipes & diapers, extra toddler friendly snacks, toys & books to keep him busy while we're at his older brother's practices. This way I don't have to stop and waste time and money on the same items from the gas station. AND don't forget things for yourself; I also keep a stash of healthy
low-carb diet friendly snacks & drinks, a book (which I rarely get to read), a notebook & pencils (for writing down lists & ideas), extra
headphones etc.
Any other sanity saving ideas to share?
